Self-Care in the Workplace... and I Ain’t Talkin’ Massage Chairs

Self-care has become a buzzword that conjures images of bubble baths, pints of ice cream, and foot rubs. And while two of those things may require HR’s involvement, I’ve got a different take on what qualifies as self-care—especially when it comes to the workplace.

To me, self-care isn’t about luxury or doing the least. In fact, it’s often the opposite. Real self-care is usually the harder choice, the one you’ve been avoiding because it stretches your comfort zone. The paradox is that we neglect our needs for so long, that doing what’s actually good for us feels uncomfortable. Let me give you a few examples:

• Shut your laptop at 5pm and silence email notifications on your phone. For folks who are used to being on 24/7, the mere idea of the unknown piling up in your inbox is enough to spike anxiety. But this discomfort? That’s the cost of reclaiming your nervous system.

• Have the hard conversation. I recently coached someone through setting a boundary with a co-worker who wouldn’t stop texting her after hours about work drama. It was deeply uncomfortable for her, but saying “I need to leave work at work” was a radical act of self-care.

• Say “I don’t have capacity for that.” So many people feel overextended, but when I ask what would happen if they just said it out loud to their supervisor? Most admit they’re afraid. Scared of seeming dispensable or unable to handle it. But let’s be clear: if your workplace expects you to do more than is humanly possible, it’s not a place that deserves your loyalty.

  
  

I once worked with a nonprofit leader who asked her team to create personal self-care plans during a rough leadership transition. I was impressed. How often do leaders give you a homework assignment to take care of yourself? 

Here’s why her strategy was effective:

1. It added a layer of humanness — I see you.

2. It carried implicit empathy — I value your well-being.

3. And though it might not seem like it at face value, it was deeply solution-oriented —she didn't just say “hang in there,” she said I want to know what you need and how I can support you. Insight:

The thing is, when we put off our needs for so long, the luxurious form of self-care (a massage, a long weekend away, retail therapy) seems the most easy and accessible. But we don’t want to get to the point of burnout where we are treating emotional and mental exhaustion with a bath bomb…that’s putting a Band-Aid on a bullet hole.

Takeaway: It’s time to start preventatively thinking about what we need, before we need it. Try this: envision the most stressful thing on your calendar this week. Now ask yourself, what action or inaction will make this feel less stressful in the moment.

Now consider, what action or inaction will make it feel less stressful in the long-term? Remove instant gratification from the mix and do the hard thing. Pay that invoice. Tell that person you aren't going to hire for the job that you found someone else. Advocate for your supervisee to attend that conference. Doing hard things builds our self-esteem and when we have high self-esteem, we don't tolerate places that only take from us. 

So let me ask you this: what would your radical act of self-care look like right now for that stressor on your calendar? Hit reply and tell me—or better yet, forward this to a teammate and start the conversation there. 

You deserve a workplace that supports your humanity. Let's build that together.