December 2023: Families Are Complex...Especially During the Holidays

Hello, December!

As we close out the year, I become reflective over the last 12 months. The fullness, the difficult moments, the gratitude, and everything in between. Some of my greatest learnings have come down to moments that test my ability to protect my boundaries. As we head into the holiday season, here are a few lessons learned...

1. Time is our greatest commodity. Amidst a season of many gatherings, events, and gift exchanges - it's important to pace ourselves with our committments. Nothing is more stressful than being spread thin and wanting to be in multiple places at once. I have a rule for myself when I consider saying "yes" to social invitations: I never commit on the spot. No matter how excited I am, or sure that I will be able to make it - I give myself at least 24 hours to get out of the emotion and discern if I have space for it. I usually say something like, "That sounds wonderful, I will check my calendar and get back to you soon." This gives me time to check in with my partner, look at my calendar, and gauge how full that day or week is already. When in doubt, pause. 

2. All families are complex. I think social media paints a picture of perfect, conflict-free families all around us...and that can lead us into comparison and envy. The truth is that behind every carefully curated family photo lies complexity. I don't care if you grew up with two psychotherapists for parents...all families have dysfunction. Recognition of this allows us to feel less isolated during moments of frustration or conflict with our families. Oftentimes, when we surround ourselves with our families of origin or extended family during the holidays, we revert back to a childhood version of ourselves. Our goal is have compassion for ourselves AND our family members. There are so many elements of generation gaps, trauma, and differing communication styles that can lead to these heated moments. If possible, try to employ boundaries and self-regulation in the moment. The people who trigger us are our greatest teachers and if we can view them that way, we can get curious and learn about ourselves.

3. What I choose to consume, or not consume - is only my business. Especially during the holidays, there can be pressure to eat certain foods, get seconds, or indulge in alcohol. Food and drink is often used as a vessel for connection - which is where pressure can come. If you choose not to consume something, it can be mistakenly confused as the refusal of connection. It's paramount to stay true to yourself and not succumb to any negative comments. There are other ways to connect that have nothing to do with what you do/don't put into your body.

Wishing you a merry and bright season ahead,

 Lucy