The Truth Behind Outbursts

“This is a waste of my time, I’m not talking to a f*c#!%g shrink.”

This was recently shouted at me during a 1:1 workplace culture consultation session. I was as shocked as you are.

Just to clarify, I am not a therapist. But that outburst told me everything I needed to know about what this person was carrying. And because I’m clear on the role I play with clients I didn’t respond sharply, I didn't personalize it, and I didn't add fuel the fire. Instead, I stayed grounded and responded assertively with curiosity and boundaries.

The person’s anger slowly diffused, but his guard stayed up. After shouting at me, he actually walked out of our session. He was upset and felt like he was in trouble, or in the principal’s office; though I assured him he was one of twelve people having 1:1 consultations with me that week. He was not being singled out, it was a standard part of my process with organizations. When his supervisor told him it wasn’t optional and he had to come back into the session with me, he re-entered, slammed the door, and sat cross-armed with me for the remaining 45 minutes.

“So what do you want to know? I’ve already told the CEO what to change a thousand times, I don’t know why it’s going to make a difference telling a stranger. And I've got a million things to do right now.” He said exasperated.

I decided in real-time to use two of my de-escalation techniques...

1. Validation

2. A relationship-building approach

“That must be so frustrating to feel like he is not listening to you...hey, let's put a pin in that and just back up. I want to know more about who you are and what got you into this industry. Are you originally from Omaha?"

Did he trust me by the end of the session? Absolutely not.

Did he put his guard down? Maybe a hair.

Did he apologize? Not a chance.

And all of that is okay to me, because changing workplace culture means changing behaviors…one person at a time. And that doesn’t happen overnight, it happens through consistent efforts.

Insight:

Most tension at work isn’t even about what’s happening in the moment. It’s often about what people bring with them—old wounds, past experiences, unresolved patterns. If we’ve never taken time to examine that, it shows up in our reactions, whether we realize it or not.

Takeaway:

The heart of my culture work is helping people see each other more clearly. Not through assumptions or projections, but through a human lens. When people feel seen and understood, things start to shift: Psychological safety builds, misunderstandings shrink, and dysfunction loses its grip. One person at a time.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone's outburst? Message back what de-escalation technique worked for you.

With purpose,

Lucy Lantis