February 2024: Change & Predictability

Hello, February-

We are through the holiday craze and well into the winter months. I always struggle to adapt, post-holiday season. The liminal space between Christmas and New Years, and the first few weeks into January are particularly difficult for me. I spend so much of the year going at a fast pace - working hard so that I can indulge in time off during this season of transition. Then the time for rest comes, and it feels like an awkward limbo.

I also celebrated a birthday this past week. I have always welcomed birthdays, aging, and the wisdom that comes with it. However, this year felt a bit different. It was the first year I felt pain in my knees during exercise and noticed physical signs of aging. Moving into my late thirties had me reflecting in an existential way. I thought about my life: my relationships, my accomplishments, my shortcomings, and my healing journey. And while I am quite content and grateful on a daily basis; I couldn't shake this lingering, ungrounded feeling. My mom had me when she was 28, which makes me think about the passage of time...how, as a child, summer break felt like a lifetime; and somehow, work weeks in adulthood go by in a flash. As we get older, life unfolds at such a rapid pace - and when time does slow down (as it did for me this past month), there's still uncertainty about what to do with it. I can't help but reflect upon adulthood's paradox of change and predictability, and how I can resent them in different ways...depending on the day.

If you are one of my clients, you regularly hear me say to sit with your emotions. Do not distract, do not judge them, and do not bulldoze through them. I am trying to practice what I preach and get curious about the unsettled feeling that came up for me during this particular birthday. I am sharing this sentiment today - not to start your February on a gloomy note- but rather to name something that has been buzzing around my brain, in the hopes of someone reading it and knowing they aren't alone in these uncomfortable, universal human contemplations.

Wishing you a peaceful and reflective month ahead,

Lucy