October 2023: Presence & Realistic Expectations

Hello, October!

Welcome to my favorite month of the year (cliche, I know). Pumpkin patches, apple-picking, crisp weather, and adding cinnamon to virtually everything…thirty-one days is truly not enough time. Just last week, I sat my partner down and reasoned, "Okay, next week is October, so I would like to look at the calendar and carefully craft each weekend, so we don’t miss out on fall activities.” By now, he recognizes this is a serious and important conversation. Even amidst the strategizing, there is still a feeling of discouragement; because I know that as soon as it begins, it’s closer to being over. 

Does anyone else struggle with this mindset? What I’m talking about is romanticizing the future so much that it can actually taint the actual experience. I often think the anticipation and build up of a season, vacation, birthday, or holiday is almost better than the actual experience itself. Is it perhaps because we have created a fantasy in our head that is heightened, controlled, and curated in such a way that the real-life experience could never possibly live up to it? 

While the expectation of “the perfect fall-filled October” seems harmless enough, it becomes a slippery slope when we create the same expectations for people. The fantasy-version of projection could sound something like this…

“My soulmate is out there and when I meet him/her, I know everything will feel 100% right.”

“Having a baby will be the most joy-filled experience of my life.”

“I will finally feel accomplished and satisfied once I have this promotion.”

Expectations about a future feeling or experience can negatively impact us, because the world is not black and white – so much of reality lives in a gray space. Finding a spouse means committing to both the loving moments and the painful ones. I would imagine that having a child is joyful, but also depleting. Getting a promotion may come with more money, but it also comes with more responsibility, which can translate to stress. 

What I am getting at is the value of living in and embracing our present reality vs. projecting idealized expectations onto our future selves. When we fail to do this, we miss out on the moment, the connection, or even the lesson. 

Wishing you a month of presence and realistic expectations,

 Lucy